There is one thing that ruins new relationships like nothing else and today I’m going to tell you some of my stories but the truth is that this can happen to men, to women, homosexual people, heterosexuals – it can happen to you and that thing is being desperate. On the extreme side, is the person who on the first date start talking about how they want to marry you and how they are going to name their children. But maybe you’ve experienced this on the lighter side, which is you text someone you like and then, instead of going about your day, You find yourself checking, you’re checking and you wonder why they haven’t answered you. Big or small, despair can ruin relationships and that’s why I want to talk about the three situations most common you can experience and how to face them because frankly, this is what ruins relationships what else do you want. So first thing, from what I have experience personal is when contacting one person every day I will never forget how I learned this – This left a mark on me Long ago, I was in my second year of college and a friend of mine introduced me to a girl that I ended up wanting and the story behind it is that this girl was actually in love with me So when they put us together I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is going to be great.” We spent a Thursday night together, we had a lot of fun, and at the end of the night, I was delighted.
So I invited her on Friday and said, “Do you want to go to this place?” She was very excited, she said, “Yeah come on.” and so. His plans got in the way – in the end we didn’t meet. So I said “Ok, he likes me. I’m going to invite her again on Saturday. ” So it’s Saturday, I said, “Hey, let’s go out.” and she said, “Ok, I’ll let you know because maybe we can do it.” and he never spoke to me again that night. So I was thinking, “Okay, he definitely likes me.” so I invited her again on Sunday. And I asked her out on Sunday and she replied with a regular reply and by the time I told my friend to rearrange another outing with her, she said “It’s over. You blew it. It’s too late.” no longer interested.
And I tell you this story so that you realize that many times you need to create some space between each time you see someone you really like. Now, you can put an artificial amount of time which is such a thing to say, “Ok, I’ll wait three days – each person has different rules.” but the truth is to fill your time with things that you like. So especially after you go on a first date, make sure the next thing you do is something cool. Could it be dating someone else? Could it be if that’s the way you want to take or maybe something you like to do, a movie that you like, spend time with your friends – especially when you feel that you’re too invested in someone you don’t know that well, go back to the things you like and make sure you’re doing them because if not, you are going to focus only on that person And it’s going to ruin you So the second I see it happen it is begging and pleading.
Now, you might be thinking, “Okay, clearly I’m not begging, I’m not begging, and I haven’t done that. “but it’s more common than you think. When I say beg, what I mean is that you ask someone out, you say “Hey, would you like to go out today?” and they say, “Sorry, I have this thing I have to do.” and instead of responding, “Okay, we’ll do it later.” You say, “Come on, it’s going to be a lot of fun.
You know what you want.” Like, just cancel those plans, it’ll be great. And I’ve done this, absolutely, I have friends who have done this. But although it seems funny and innocent, the truth is that you’re putting them in a situation where they they are guaranteed to like you less. It’s not cute because you force them to tell you no again, and the way our brains work is that if we find ourselves saying no, no no, to someone Even if we like it, part of us says, “Ok, why do I tell you so much no?” Maybe I’m not interested. “You are also asking them to reduce their own time so they can invest in you what tells them that you would do that for them what is the center of despair – that is not valuing your own time or your own time.
The appropriate response – as long as it is not a cancellation of last minute and that they have not stood you up after buying very expensive tickets or something thing you shouldn’t do before asking in any way but the appropriate thing is to respond relaxed, have fun, and then make a plan many days later – very simple. The third thing here is, and this again, something that I have personal experience with. which is changing your schedule for the other person. Now this is something that I have learned and forgotten many times. very recently – can happen in a current relationship. I’ve been seeing a girl for a period of time we really liked each other but for their own reasons, she began to try less and to move away, and became less available – and as I liked and I liked spending time with her, my answer was, “Ok, I’ll be more available. I have this flexibility, my time is, you know, I can work at this time. My friends are pretty flexible too so if she says we’re going out on Tuesday And then cancel, I’ll just make sure I’m free on Wednesday for lunch.
” And that continued and as it happens, she was less and less available. It was harder and harder for me to date her. So we arrived on a Sunday night and we had plans to meet around 10. So she called me at 9 and said, “Hey, I’m so sorry, I’m with my family and I won’t be able to arrive tonight and I have plans on Monday, I have plans on Tuesday, I have work on Thursday and Friday like this that maybe we can do something on Wednesday. “and before that, what I used to do was say “Sure! Great! It will be Wednesday. It is also an ugly thing that you canceled at the last minute but I forgive you, “and on that occasion what I did differently was very simple, because my friends had told me earlier that day if we could go out on Wednesday.
There was no fixed plan but my friends had already told me and I said, “I have plans for Wednesday night so I can’t.” and she paused and said, “Wait a second. If you can’t on Wednesday so I can’t see you this week. ” I said, “Yes, it seems so.” and she started to say, “Well, I just wanted to cancel your plans.” I said, “No, I am not canceling my plans. I have plans with my friend.” And I could feel her starting to get frustrated, to get nervous and she said, “Ok, let me call you again.” and hung up the phone.
ten minutes later, she called me and said, “I’m going to get out of here. I’m going to end up with my family. I’m going to see you tonight as we had planned. ” and she came and we were together as we planned at 10pm and I tell you this not as a great victory that she had come on Sunday and not on Wednesday but as this was an important point in the relationship where she had wandered before when I started to protect my own time already invest in promises or even just in the plan I had with my friend she began to try harder. She stopped walking away and started organizing with me and to be a little more flexible instead of me having to constantly be adjusting for her and frankly I think that’s what saved the relationship. So if you feel like that’s you, you’re walking down that hall where you are the flexible one, where you are always adjusting for the other person And you’re not like, changing plans to get canceled at the last minute What I really recommend is that you start becoming a glider.
Which means that at the beginning of the week, you put the things you have to do even if it’s something as simple as that on Thursday night you’re going to watch a TV show, with your roommate, so that if they ask you out on Thursday night You can’t because you have to watch a TV show with your roommate. When you protect and respect your own plans, people will respect you more. This is not to say that later in a relationship you can’t be a little more flexible after you have a give-and-take, but in the beginning it’s the kiss of death to be leaving your friends for someone else, and indeed a one of the best things you can do here is yes it is a more open and inclusive event what is like a tv show with your friend and it’s not like an exclusive outlet tell him, “Actually on Thursday I’m going to watch TV with my friend, and we are going to see a program but if you are interested, you are welcome to come with us.
” That shows the person that you are inclusive, that you value your friends and your plans. So I hope those three things help but beyond that, despair goes beyond the surface which is the level we have covered. Despair comes from feeling like you have no options. How to feel that this person is your best chance to be happy and the real way to combat it, which takes effort and time, is to create options in your life that doesn’t just mean hanging out with other people something that would clearly give you options on a Friday night. but it also means investing time in your exercise regimen. Create a business, more habits, spend time with your friends – the more things you have in your life that make you happy and the less you are willing to compromise in fact you will attract more people to you. Because you are valuing yourself and you are investing in yourself and that is going to give them a signal that they should do the same.
So I hope this has given you something to ponder. Perhaps you have seen some despair in yourself that you can start working. But I know this video covers a lot of what happens after the first date. but many people have asked me, “How do I make that happen?” And there are some simple things, three things that I will typically say to a girl that interests me when I want to talk to her and we have a video that talks about that – click the link here.
This will take you to another page where you can register your email, and then you’ll see those three things that I typically use to start a conversation many times. Now do these work for women or gay people, gay men and women? I honestly don’t know. I am just myself and my experience is limited. So I will say that this definitely works for men interested in women. Everyone else, sorry I don’t have the experience and I’m not sure but No matter who you are, I hope you decide subscribe to the channel.
I don’t give dating advice all the time. but i have seen this happen to many friends recently and I wanted to talk about this because despair not only it will kill your romantic relationships, in fact it can ruin friendships. So when you have it, when you start investing in yourself, things get better all over the table. So I hope you decide to subscribe to the channel. It will be much more than dating – charisma, confidence, all that kind of stuff plus charisma analysis. And of course, any comment, go and write it down here. I hope you enjoyed this video and we’ll see you in the next one..
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